21 May Boys will be boys? Boys will be humans?!
Out of the hundreds of dms men shared with me about their experiences of abuse in childhood or teenage…
One thing I’ve realized, the guys who shared their stories, many are okay now (that’s what they said) but many do have trauma, have relationship issues & even sexuality issues today. Many said they lack confidence, and want to kill/harm their abuser.
Let’s just understand something.
Can we, as a society for once stop assuming that men are by default strong and emotionless..?and the assumption that they have no emotional issues, body insecurities, Shame & guilt…
Many of them are very hurt young boys inside. There’s deep scars & trauma from relatives, friends, cousins, teachers, & even their own parents that these guys are carrying. Do we have any idea what it will do to them if we don’t acknowledge them and help them to share?
We will have abusive or aloof & emotionless partners, brothers who act out their insecurities as toxic behavior, and sons who will disconnect from their families. Are the boys whom we are easy to label naughty or rude or arrogant or aggressive really just that?? There can be so many stories behind all that. It might be because anger is the only feeling they are allowed to express.
Also we need to disconnect strength from being emotionless. There’s strength in being emotional & vulnerable too.
Only a strong person can keep these experiences in them & still live life with courage. It takes even more strength in sharing such a dark part of their life. It takes more than that for a person to realize the trauma & want to be healed.
So can we rewrite ‘strength’ in men.?
Strength is beyond muscle power. It is beyond what you can establish as control or anger or abuse. There’s no point having a 6 pack abs if you have a poor mental health & a brain & body that needs healing.
Patriarchy has killed not just the spirit of women, but also the vulnerabilities of men. It has harmed all of us. Men are not the villains. They are equally the victims of patriarchy. Let’s work together to kick patriarchy on its ass. Let’s help each other go grow & heal. ❤️
I know the pandemic is ruining our life, but on the other hand, this loneliness & social media is helping a lot of us discover so many things about oneself. We can’t go hide anywhere. We need to deal with this head on.
Again, Big virtual hugs to all the guys who shared.